There are 5 main love languages. A love language is the way that you choose to receive and give love. You might use several love languages, but generally most people have one that is dominant. Understanding your love language and that of your partner will help you communicate better, as this shows your partner what you need and want from the relationship. Personally, my main love language is Physical Touch, but I’m also a huge believer in Acts of Service. Everybody is different.
Love Language 1: Gifts. Giving and receiving gifts shows generosity of spirit and love. It’s not about the price, it’s about the thought and effort behind the gift. People who speak this love language prioritise big days like anniversaries and birthdays, and feel devastated if they miss a partner’s important day, or don’t pick the right gift for the occasion.
Love Language 2: Quality Time. Spending uninterrupted time with your partner is seen as a sign of interest in that person and respect for them. It’s really important that you’re both very present in those moments. It doesn’t matter where you go or what you’re doing, as long as you’re doing things together. Avoid using your mobile phones etc during this time, and don’t cancel or postpone plans unless there’s a really good reason for doing so.
Love Language 3: Positive Words. Words are very important for communication in couples. With this love language, you give your partner regular compliments, offer supporting words and affirmations, and say “I love you” often. It’s great when your partner reciprocates – but that will depend on the love language they use. Time spent talking together is valued, and tone and intent are picked up on easily. The trade off here is that insults or rude communications hurt a lot, and harsh words can cut deep.
Love Language 4: Acts of Service. Some people like to serve others from a position of love, and like to do things for you. This can include everything from cooking dinners and doing washing through to walking the dog, running errands, and even providing sex. This love language prioritises actions over words. When your partner does things for you, you see their value and appreciate them, feeling satisfied that they really care for you. Never refer to these acts as “favours” – if you try and return a favour, your partner will be hurt. You should do things because you love them, and not out of a sense of commitment to balance things up.
Love Language 5: Physical Touch. This is my personal favourite, and it’s manifested through kisses and cuddles, holding hands, and making love. Touch is so incredibly powerful, and it allows you to express love alongside excitement, surprise, sadness, and other emotions. Not getting physical touch can make your partner feel distant and almost neglectful. I’ve personally trained in massage alongside this so that I can express physical touch in a meaningful and helpful way to any partner – it’s my personal unique combination of Physical Touch and Acts of Service.
Love languages are based on a simple conceptual framework, and used properly they will help you to understand how you love others, and how you want to be loved by them. Knowing the love language of yourself and your partner can help you to avoid miscommunications, and can also help you to avoid behaviours that might upset or alienate your partner. So, what’s your love language? Set aside a few minutes today to think about this – you’ll find it to be rewarding.