The Importance of Loving Yourself

What invigorates you? What has caused how you think, how you feel? What forms the words you’ve selected, the feelings you have, and the values, morals, and principles you believe in?

In these modern times, many of us are dissatisfied with our body image, and our lives in general, and that manifests itself in many ways. For example, we start to judge ourselves because of what others say, and we want to lose weight so that we look better to others. That’s great – but weight loss should be less about how others perceive you, and more about doing it for YOU. So many of the things we think, feel, and say are based upon our life experiences, and on how we feel about ourselves. The key to being satisfied in life is to have some self-love. Fundamentally, we need to change our internal dialogue from something negative, to something positive.

Self-love requires work and patience. Start by thinking about the love you had for another. For example, I was very close to and deeply loved my mother. To me, she was the most important human being and the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I loved to watch her get dressed up and go out, she always held herself well. I would often tell her how beautiful she looked, and sometimes she would accept it. But other times she might say “Oh no, I feel big today. I don’t really like wearing it.”. That was hard for me to hear, and I’d feel guilty for my original comment – unnecessarily.

You might give a partner a loving and caring comment, but find it’s repulsed because of their internal thoughts of themselves. That’s not your fault. That’s their internal dialogue giving them those negative thoughts. We need to stop caring about what others think about us, and start to concentrate on our positive qualities and skills, if we’re to begin to self-love. If we constantly compare ourselves to others, then we’ll always find failings in ourselves. If they’re cool, then I must be non-cool by deduction. Wrong!

Rating yourself against others can make you feel insignificant, and starts a cycle of always feeling like you’re competing with others. That achieves nothing! Instead, look in the mirror and see your glow. Celebrate your body image just as you are. Be thankful that you have good sympathy and empathy for others, that you are blessed with good skills, and that you have a charitable outreach approach. See all that is positive about you, and don’t rate yourself against the photos and appearance of others. Dieting does not work long term to raise your self-esteem, but love does. Negative thoughts affect your body chemistry, causing inner body chaos. Start seeing the positives in your life. We make better decisions for our lives when our actions and decisions come from our positive feelings.

You might have 50,000 or more micro-decisions to make today. 98% of those will come from your own mind, and may be daily replays of yesterday’s thoughts, based on your life experiences to date. If the majority of these are negative thoughts or judgments towards yourself or others, then how will this shape how you’re feeling? Over time, if these thoughts are not brought into line, you’ll start to sink into a vortex of misery. If you’re visiting this Dating Dave website because you want to meet others and have them love you, then you simply have to be able to accept that love when it comes… and that means you must love yourself first!

If you find changing to a positive body image mindset is hard, then start thinking about gratitude instead. Gratitude is the secret ingredient to happiness in life. Be thankful for everything you already have – even those things you might have in abundance like extra weight. Stop being pressured by others to appear a certain way, or to live your life in ways that are not authentic for you. If you must change anything, focus on those things that are important – like bonding with and loving others, rather than superficial nonsense. I have years of experience being part of the weight-loss obsessed culture – and its brought me more heartbreak than happiness!

You can work in the gym for months to achieve a great body, and if it’s for you and your health that’s fantastic! But if you’re doing it solely for the love of others, STOP NOW. If you’re pushing yourself more and more to achieve perfection in other people’s eyes, then you run the risk of serious injury. After all, how can you ever live up to their expectations? And when does your goal ever get truly realised?

It’s this simple: If you do things for the love and admiration of others rather than for yourself, then you’ll never reach the goal. There’s always going to be some imperfection on your body. There will always be people prettier than you, smaller than you, taller than you, more sexually magnetic than you. STOP NOW – and embrace who you already are. You’re perfect just as you are. Seriously… stop striving for elusive goals, and start loving yourself. We all want to be loved – but we must not let our subconscious thoughts overwhelm us and make us feel ashamed: “I shouldn’t have done that.” “I didn’t go to the gym.” “I’m horrific and ugly!.” This will never end!

Any change in life takes time, especially outside / body change. But working on what’s inside – your mind – is more important. You need to build resilience into your mindset, to cope with life’s curveballs at a moment’s notice. You need to develop substance. Start to concentrate on what you feel at any moment, whatever that is, and learn over time to trust your feelings. Never doubt them, as they’re a protective part of who you are. Be mindful, and when you feel your thoughts becoming negative, buck yourself up with some positive reinforcing comments like “I look nice today.”, “I’m a good person”. Start being aware of the feelings of others – and stop judging yourself and them too. Give up your feelings of inferiority and irrelevance. You are IMPORTANT! Start believing that you matter – because YOU do!

NEVER alter that thought process. Trust your years of experience and knowledge to know what works for you, and what keeps you sane and safe. If you’re trying to cope with life, there’s nothing to be gained by being your own worst enemy. Be a friend to yourself and others. As you stop judging and start loving yourself, then you’ll equally stop judging and start loving others. And that’s a great step towards them accepting and loving you!

If you want a chocolate muffin, have one, and really enjoy it! Don’t say “I’m bad and fat, that’s why I eat muffins!”. Negative thoughts when eating can raise your cortisol hormone levels – a sign of stress. Here’s the bad news: more cortisol in your blood makes weight loss harder. True story. So instead eat that muffin with gladness and excitement, and lower your stress! The odd treat is fine, and all food is there for you to enjoy in moderation. Love your food, love yourself, and love the nutrition! Don’t make life harder for you than it needs to be.

If 98% of your thoughts today are recycled from earlier days of your life, then STOP the cycle. Change those negative thoughts to positive ones, one verse at a time. Introduce gratitude and acceptance into your word choices. “Thank you. Thank you for today. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my loving heart. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my cat.” Over time these regular changes to positive words in your life will have effect!

Life is all about the living, and about living in the moment. Take time to relax and concentrate on breathing deeply for a few minutes every few hours of the day. Stop thinking – and really breathe and concentrate on getting that oxygen deep into your core. Positive breathing and feelings will keep your soul strong. That’s what I meant earlier when I mentioned substance.

Cherish the body and the life that you have, and take personal ownership. You matter. You are important. Love yourself – that’s ok! And when you’re ready, go out and project yourself to the world – and attract love from others!