New relationships are always fun, and the initial excitement and lust can be really thrilling. But what if things have now progressed, and you’ve been intimate together? Sometimes these things are planned but sometimes they just happen in the spur of the moment. After an intimate act, many people tend to feel awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about their appearance, their breath, and how they come across to the person they just slept with. This can be a shame because if we were to stay calm and positive, we would be seen as much more confident and in control. So, what should you do in the morning after an intimate encounter?

Step number one, don’t be weird. Give a little deadline, like “I have to go soon, I have so much to do today,” and then give the person a big cuddle. This way, when you’re cuddling up to them, they’re not thinking “Is this person going to be here forever?” or “Is this going to be awkward?” You’ve already put that marker in their mind, and now you can just enjoy the affection. When you leave, give them a kiss.

Step number two, later that day, send a killer text. A text that says “I had a great time with you last night. Good luck with your meeting today” with a kissy face. This text is perfect because it contains everything you need to say. You’re saying “I had a great time with you last night,” which is a small act of vulnerability and femininity. It’s a moment where you can be candid with them. Too many people play it too cool for school, like they don’t care, and in the process, they dehumanize the whole thing. The act of intimacy they’ve just had with a person. Then when you say “Good luck in your meeting today” with a little kiss, it’s a moment where it’s personal. You’re saying something that relates to something you’ve said. If you know he’s doing something fun today, you could say “Have fun doing XYZ today.”

The problem with the way so many people approach what they do after intimacy is they either get too vulnerable and too close to somebody, where all of a sudden it’s now like they expect the relationship to have moved 10 steps forward for having slept with them, or they go too casual to the point where it seems like it didn’t mean anything to them that they slept together last night. We want to strike that balance of being somewhere in between the two.

Step number three, do not settle for the Netflix and chill follow-up. If he texts you a couple of days later saying “Hey, do you want to come over and watch a movie with me later,” that doesn’t make him a bad guy, it just makes him a guy. He’s going for the easy path and he wants to have sex with you again. Who can blame him, he’s only human. But you want more. So, what do you say? You send him this message back “I’d love to see you again, but I really want to get to know you better and I feel like I know where coming to your place ends up (wink). How about we go for dinner?” The beauty of this message is it shows you want to see him again, but it resets the expectation. It takes away the entitlement.

Look, you two had sex, that doesn’t mean that he’s entitled to sex again with you, and it doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to more investment from him. But the distinction is if he does want to see you again, it has to be for more than a physical connection. It has to be to build a real connection that takes time and investment, and you wouldn’t expect any less. If he doesn’t want to put in that time and investment, that’s okay. You have your answer about how much he likes you, and you can move on. Instead of putting all of your energy into trying to make this one person the right one, focus on getting to know them and enjoying their company, but have a view to moving on.

Step number four, take time for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of dating and forget to take care of yourself, but it’s essential to make time for yourself to recharge and do things that you enjoy. Whether it’s going for a walk, reading a book, or taking a yoga class, find activities that help you to relax and feel refreshed. And always be honest with yourself about what you want and what you’re looking for in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to be honest with the person you’re seeing as well, as this will help to ensure that you’re both on the same page and that you’re not wasting each other’s time.

By being mindful of your energy levels, setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, being honest with yourself, and being open to new experiences, you can navigate the post-intimacy dating process with ease and find the essence of the true relationship that you’re looking for. Who initiates further contact after this intimate encounter is up to both of you. This could be a one off sexual experience – or it could lead on to many more passionate sex sessions – that choice is up to you, deciding your pathway together.