There is a certain spark (pardon the cliche) that flies during the first interaction between the right boy and the right girl. An incalculable number of thoughts pass through the mind of both parties as they meticulously critique and form opinions on each other to determine their compatibility as partners. These small moments of immediate judgment can be made on everything from physical appearance and hygiene to tastes in music and the sharpness of their intelligence. There is a certain magnetism that we all have, and you need to make sure yours is on point if you want to see this person again.

This magnetism needs to be strongest at the initial point of contact. You need to impress and show that you’ve got that certain pizazz when you first start talking to someone you’re interested in getting a second date with, otherwise you could come off as bland (and there will be no interest to see you again), or you could cause revulsion (all but guaranteeing you’ll never see this person again).

To ensure you have a strong magnetic pull on the person, you want to first make sure you do not cause any sense of revulsion or distaste. Good hygiene is always a first step that many forget. You don’t want to smile and show bad teeth or bad breath, because you’ll be sure to give that person a reason to never make you smile again. Make sure you don’t dress as if you were homeless, because no self-respecting person is going to crawl into a gutter with a stranger at the end of the night. If you have all the basics down, you’re probably ready for the interaction phase, where you’ll be able to lay on that charm and magnetic draw that is the point of all of this.

You essentially want to follow the same formula in your conversation (use your magnetic pull, don’t push them away) that we discussed about your appearance. Avoid any talk that is sure to make a stranger uncomfortable. Just as you would not discuss political views, religious beliefs, or how much someone weighs with a new acquaintance, avoid this talk with the new acquaintance with whom you are trying to get romantic. Heavy conversation mostly makes strangers uncomfortable, and you can get to know all of their opinions on future dates you may have with them. As for now, stick with the classics to pull people in like a magnet- be funny. You don’t have to be Richard Pryor. Just make someone laugh. Be light-hearted, and show that you’re easy to talk to. That’s what makes people comfortable, and that’s what will get you one step closer to them.

You may not know yourself well enough to know what draws people to you and what doesn’t. But that’s okay, so long as you avoid the things we discussed and keep it simple and humorous, and when in doubt, adopt neutrality. If you can keep your head above water long enough to not offend or repulse the guy or gal, you’ll be doing fine and will have the opportunity to close the deal. Practice makes perfect, and a little confidence is always necessary.