Relationships can be tough, especially when they are between independent and busy people, or when there is physical distance involved location-wise between people. This got me thinking – do you have time for a relationship? And is that time available throughout the relationship lifecycle, to keep it sustainable?

I’m a giver, and time is one of things I like to give people, as part of my Acts of Service love language. Time might seem an inexpensive thing to some people, but to me it’s one of my most expensive assets. Sure, I have physical things in my life that provide small elements of joy (including the laptop I write the Dating Dave blog on), but time is irreplaceable. You can only spend time once, and then it’s gone. There’s no refunds on time spent badly. And giving time to a person means I’m forgoing using that time for something else… so it truly is a gift. Use or lose it wisely.

Only the strongest relationships survive distance. Physical distance where someone you love lives an hours drive or more away makes it harder to get together, and everything can feel like a bit of an effort. Generally this means you’ll see each other less as a result, which puts more emphasis on your abilities to talk on the phone or via messenger to ensure that you keep your connection strong and vibrant. Physical distance can also lead to a distance of intimacy, where you’re just not getting together often enough in a physical way to keep your relationship spark alive. Personally, I don’t want a slow burning fire of embers and occasional flickers. I want a full, passionate, hot engaging fire that makes me feel alive!

Physical distance and intimacy distance logically lead to emotional distance, where you simply no longer feel as much as you did for that person. The intrigue, mystery, and excitement has gone, and your mind starts to wander to the thoughts of someone, something, or somewhere new. You must NOT let your relationship get to this stage, if you want it to survive. Once you’re emotionally de-hooked from your partner / lover / friend, death of the relationship will surely follow not far behind. But keeping this interest in each other does require time, and often more than you may think.

Time is not a burden for some people – and these relationships do have a chance to stay alive with effort on both sides. But those who are single parents, or career or study focused workers, or full time entertainers, can all struggle to truly have enough time available in their week just to get the basics done, let alone make time and room for others. There’s a caution here of sorts: if you’re going to commit to a lasting relationship, then you must make time for the other person.

Making time for each other may mean making compromises – e.g. giving up on a weekend course you wanted to do on your own so that you can spend time with your partner instead; or giving up a girl’s night out with drinks so you can see your partner instead. If you’re truly committed, none of this should be a problem. You simply forego a few (and not all) elements of short term pleasure so that you can get the long term happiness you desire instead. Not making time is a bit like saying I’m dieting then secretly eating takeaways every night: you’ll build baggage over time that will hold you back, not push you forward on your path to happiness. So, do you have time for a relationship, or not? If you do, great: pursue that relationship with all of your mind, body, and soul. If not, be fair to your partner and let them fly off on their own. A relationship without quality, dedicated time together is like a body without breathing: lifeless, cold, and lonely.