There are over 6 billion people in this world. By the time you finish reading this article, there’ll be another hundred or so. Your options in the dating game are massive. And if you take a good look around, you’ll find that the world is filled with attractive women. But that will only take you so far. After all, if you’re in this for the long haul, and most people are, you’re going to need someone you’ll want to wake up next to when they’re starting to get wrinkles, their hair starts to lose shine, and they put on a few pounds.

If we were only going around choosing mates based on physical attraction, we’d be animals humping in the streets. But because we desire something more than procreation, we seek companionship, not beauty. Yes, beauty plays a part. But once you start the dating process, you begin to look at women as people, and not walking works of art.

You need to channel your desire. We’ve been raised to suppress desire because it is primitive. Well, it is primitive. But so is attraction. And if you’re letting religious and social hang ups keep you from pursuing a connection or stop you from taking what you want in life, you’re giving in to a different force that is not natural. So be an animal, respect your sexual urges, and let them guide you instead of hinder you.

There are a lot of scare tactics and orders that society instructs us to act under. Men don’t like shoe shopping and women can’t possibly love football more than men, right? Nope. There are plenty of people out there who turn gender roles on its head and live their own lives outside of society’s expectations. We’re programmed to think that men and women are different because from mankind’s early days we took on certain roles due to slight natural advantages. The woman gives birth, the man hunts. This hasn’t changed much, it’s just more civilized. At the end of the day, we aren’t that different at all except for looks. If you’re going to find love, you need to recognize the ways society has pressured us to think of differences and mature past that archaic mindset.

These social programmings start from an early age and carry on into adulthood, further cementing the fake dichotomy between the two sexes. This is why it is so hard for us to look into a person for their inner beauty. The problem is that people don’t want to think differently than that, too. Boys play the sports while girls cheer them on.

Looking beyond the physical beauty isn’t all it takes, fellas. So don’t think that taking a Gender Roles course at a liberal arts college makes you the understanding and compassionate guy every girl wants. You need to give her a reason to choose you. This starts with being the best “you” you can be. I know it sounds like a motivational poster hanging from a sixth grade classroom, but it’s a definite truism of life. Don’t make yourself look like an awesome guy just to get a girl, because if the first girl doesn’t see through that, the second or third one will. You need to want to better yourself for your own sake, and that uniqueness and confidence that comes from it will naturally attract the ladies.

To make that true love real, it has to come from both sides. A man can’t love a woman with everything he has and think that is enough. While that’s sweet, it’s not the only thing required to make the relationship work. The woman has to love the man back, and the two have to examine their love every day and try to make it work. You’ll see movies where a woman rejects a man but through sheer willpower and determination he wins her over in the end. They’re people, just like you and I. If they love you, they love you. But a relationship couldn’t work where the girl loves you endlessly and you don’t really give a damn about her, so what makes you think it’ll work that way for you?

Commitment is key. You can’t run away from a good relationship to pursue one that looks like it’ll be fantastic just because the other woman is hotter, or more exotic, or has more money. No relationship will work when you can’t make up your mind and stick with a woman who you’re willing to work on the relationship with. The thing you can’t have always looks better than the one you already have, but that is a knee-jerk reaction that you have to grow out of, or at least call it for what it is. A great relationship happens over the course of time and a lot of work.

Remember, women are people, and fantastic ones at that. Treat them that way. Don’t think you’re going to win someone’s love, and recognize a bad situation for what it is and move on for the better. Focus on developing yourself into a guy you’ll want to wake up next to everyday, and soon women will see you as that as well. Good luck!