I’m often asked (mainly by guys) how they can “pick up” a potential (mainly female) partner in a bar or club. It’s a loaded question as far as I’m concerned, because meeting someone in a bar or club, or anywhere else, does not give you automatic permission to try and “entice” them to come back to your house, or engage in any kind of intimate activity. It’s fine to meet people and talk to them, but your intent should be to get to know them – and not to use and abuse them. Personal rant over!

A lot of people go to bars and clubs just to have a good time and not necessarily to meet someone to bring home. It’s super important to be respectful of people’s boundaries and choices. I would suggest that when trying to meet someone in a bar or club, it’s important to approach them in a friendly and respectful manner. Maybe start a conversation about the venue or event that you’re both attending, or ask for their opinion on something. For example, you could say “I really like this band, what do you think of their music?” or “Have you been to this club before? What do you think of it?”

When they respond, be sure to actively listen to what they have to say and show genuine interest in getting to know them. Ask them follow-up questions about their interests or experiences, and try to find common ground to build a conversation around. Stay positive and upbeat. People are more likely to engage in a conversation with someone who is friendly and easy to talk to. Everyone’s comfort levels and intentions are different, so it’s important to read the signals and be respectful of their boundaries. If they’re not interested in talking, move on and don’t take it personally.

If talking to people whilst either party is under the influence of alcohol, exercise additional caution. People may not be able to accurately assess the situation or their own level of intoxication, which can lead to risky behavior, and an increased risk of accidents or aggressive behavior. Alcohol can affect people’s judgment, and it can lead to poor decision making and a lack of inhibitions.

If things progress well with your discussions, and if this miraculously does lead to a situation where you both want to go somewhere together for any kind of intimacy, be careful around the topic of consent. Someone who is under the influence of alcohol may not be able to give informed consent. And if someone has consented to something while under the influence, it does not mean that they would have given the same consent if they were sober. It is always important to obtain clear and enthusiastic consent from all parties involved before engaging in any kind of physical or intimate activity.

Bars and clubs can be fun places to go, and you may occasionally meet new people – one or more of whom may catch your eye. Always drink responsibly, be aware of your own limits, and be aware of the laws and regulations regarding alcohol consumption in your local area. Keep yourself and others safe.