I’m not old yet, but one day I will be. It’s very common for senior citizens to find new romantic friends later in life, and it can be an awesome thing. Love late in life gives companionship and true love – especially important if the senior has lost a former spouse. But sometimes children of senior citizens can get anxious when they see their parent enjoying the love and romance from another person other than their birth mother or father. It’s especially hard for some children if your romance is likely to lead to marriage.

I’ve analysed why I think this is, and I put it down to grief. When you lose a parent through death, it’s a very hard thing. You normally find yourself clinging to your remaining parent more too – and form ever closer bonds. When that parent starts dating another person, it’s perfectly reasonable to think that you might “lose that parent” also – albeit through time with another person rather than death. For myself at least, I saw my parents as a permanent institution, and the thought that one or other might die was inconceivable for many years. Sadly however, death will get us all in the end.

If you’re a senior citizen currently dating, my advice is that you need to be very clear to your children that this new partner will never remove the love you felt for your previous spouse, and that this new person is also not going to try to play as mum or dad in their lives. They’re a companion for you, a lover for you, a person who is there to support you – but not to replace others who have departed. Children believe love must endure forever – it’s a foundation stone of belief in the family. And family is what gives each of us our identity, our rock.

Use some of the sensitivity and wisdom you’ve built up over your years to really help your children and extended family to accept your new romance. Start the process while you’re just friends with that person (before it becomes a romance) if you can – this will help with family acceptance. Your children will understand your need for love, for romance, and for companionship – if you explain how it will play out. Be up front with your children when you start seeing someone, and tell them what you need to. Trust them and listen to them, but also let them know that you are in charge of your relationship.

If your children are comfortable with your relationship, it will only be a matter of time before your new beau is invited over for dinner and holidays and to meet the grandchildren and become part of the family. In doing so, you’ll be able to show your children that in the same way you opened your heart when your children were out dating and meeting new people, that they should open their hearts to someone important to you.

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