I had a funny experience recently when a girl I’d met described herself to me as a “cockhound”. I was amused by this – and at first I wasn’t immediately sure what she was saying. I said to her “You’re not a dog” – to which she replied “I know”. This intrigued me. I said to her “You’re not a cock” – to which she replied “I know”. This intrigued me even more. She must have thought I was a bit thick when I simply came out and said to her “Ok, so what is a cockhound?”

“Oh, it’s easy” she said. “I love getting screwed. I love a good man’s meat inside me. But whilst a hard man is good to find, it can be hard to find a good man. And so I trawl bars and nightclubs looking for those men who can best sexually satisfy me. I chase after cock like a hound chases a fox. I want cock over and over and over and over again. So that’s why I call myself a cockhound.” And at that stage, it sort of made sense to me. She then made a really funny remark. “Dave, some situations in life simply call for a cock. Nothing else will do. Nothing else will fix the problem”. I told her I would take her word on that.

All of this got me thinking. How can you identify a cockhound? I mean, guys, not all of us want to be used like a piece of meat do we? And this admission by my friend of her cockhound nature implied that at any time I (and you) could be targeted in a darkly lit public bar. I think there’s a vibe you can pick up from a cockhound. They travel late at night, often alone but sometimes in packs. They’ve got a very determined look on their faces – they’re honing in and concentrating on finding cock. They may or may not have had a few drinks to heighten their cock searching capabilities. They’re probably at least 25 or 30 (girls younger than this don’t have to sniff cock out – it comes to them). They’ve had experience with cock, and will gladly tell you in advance what criteria the cock must have. And when they find cock, the cockhound may howl, salivate or make other happy sounds – pleased they’ve completed their mission.