Why do women reject men? If you’ve been rejected by a girl before you’ve probably had a million thoughts race through your mind. “Why couldn’t she let me know sooner so she didn’t lead me on? Why did she have to reject me in such a mean way? Why did she reject me at all?”

Don’t worry. Dating Dave is here to help! Men and women talk very differently when a date goes wrong. Guys tend to get very reflective: “I should have been more masculine.”, “I should have kissed her earlier.”, “I shouldn’t have mentioned my ex-girlfriend.” They assume that something they did or didn’t do made the difference to the outcome.

Women don’t actually think this way at all. A woman will instead say things like “Oh, I didn’t feel that spark.”, or “I don’t think we had a deep connection”. So a woman blames the universe, whilst a man blames himself. This is part of the reason why rejection is so painful for guys especially. In reality, every woman has her own life, her own reality, and her own insecurities. These elements have a far greater effect on how she reacts to you than just your behaviour, unless you’re sending her dick pics and stuff like that… in which case ghosting you is completely justified.

Women tell me that they often feel time pressure around dating, as they’re told by society that they are “running short on time to find a man”. That’s not true at all, but some women will make fast decisions with guys. A guy will think “She was so cold. She didn’t even give me a chance.” – whilst the girl will be thinking “He’s not 100%, I don’t want to waste my time or his.”

Sometimes girls look too early for the “spark” or obvious sign that they should put more attention into a guy – but this is unrealistic. Sparks take time. Can there be love at first sight? Well there can be lust at first sight – but love with real emotions takes longer. If a girl is getting the attention of lots of guys, she’ll be looking for a way or formula to work out the good from the bad, and the “spark” is one way to do this – but it’s not foolproof. So as a guy you could be quickly dissed because you didn’t “spark” her – even if you’re an amazing guy who could be perfect for her longer term.

Women don’t always see their rejection of a guy being a true “rejection”. Often they might think “He’s probably kind of physically attracted to me, and might like to hook up with me, but you know what? I’m not sure I want that, and so, because of that, I don’t really feel so bad about letting this go.” There’s a tip here guys: you can’t JUST be physically attracted to her. You’ve got to show her that you like HER as a person, as a personality, as a thought leader, as a conversationalist – or she may just pass you by.

Some girls are taught from a young age that being very direct with their thoughts or rejections is off-putting. Guys might wish for a more honest response – but some girls have had experiences where their direct rejections have been met with hostility or an aggressive response. And so rather than saying “Your breath smells and you dress funny.”, they’ll say something generically light like “Sorry, I didn’t feel the connection.”. If you’ve only been out a few times together then I don’t think a girl actually needs to justify things more fully here, because you haven’t formed an established relationship. It’s different if you’ve been together for a much longer time.

At any time a woman will also have some other stuff going on in her life, in her work, her career, and with her friends and her family, which has absolutely nothing to do with you. These circumstances may make her less receptive to meeting you at this time, or developing something with you. All of this is ok! She’s allowed to think and feel that way, and she’s also entitled to choose how she might communicate this message to you.

If you’re a guy who’s been rejected, DON’T take it super personally. Instead refocus on the opportunities to meet other women who are more open to dating you, and to let this situation go. Moving on with your life and meeting new people and finding better experiences is important, and it’s this brave approach with courage and conviction that will give you success.