Hi guys. If you’ve lost your girlfriend or partner and want to win her back, there’s a sequence that you can follow to achieve that outcome. You’ll need to have some true-blue faithfulness, and be brave enough to accept the things that you can change – and more importantly cannot change.

Start by writing down all that was good or bad in your relationship, and make specific note of how you behaved in these situations. You need to specifically think about those behaviours your partner loved, and those that she didn’t. Reflection for a while on these thoughts is important.

Now that you’ve done some self-reflection, you need to think about how best to open the lines of communication with your ex-girlfriend again. Do NOT make the classic mistake of pleading for forgiveness straight after you’ve split, and whilst you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Why not? People take time to heal from disappointment, and chances are your girlfriend left you because you’ve hurt her emotionally or mentally in some way. She’s unlikely to want you back at a time when the emotional hurt is still raw. So give it a month or two before acting, to allow this healing time. You also need time to consider your behaviours, and how you will act differently.

For any ex-girlfriend to even begin to feel like she wants you back, she’s going to have to see change, and a chance of happiness with you. She has to see a vision of the man that she once loved, and believe that she can love you again. And so you need to start any dialogue by admitting that you were in the wrong, and that you understand the need for change, and that you’re truly sorry.

It’s easy enough to make a phone call – but I’d advise against this as she might not answer you, or might be emotionally short on the phone. So the first communication should be a handwritten letter from you. You need to express in that letter that you respect her, that you want her friendship, that she is valuable to you, and that you’re willing to take things slowly. If you hear back you can follow up and invite her to a cafe or similar neutral location to talk. You need to give her your undivided attention, and make sure that she is given the chance to talk openly – and also make sure that she sees you intently listening to her, and considering her viewpoints.

In that meeting / catch-up be empathetic. Truly consider her viewpoint. Any girlfriend wants to be heard, and wants to feel that they are valued and cared for in the relationship. In this meeting she really needs to see that your heart has softened, that you’ve changed, and that there is a chance of happiness. Love takes time, and trust needs to grow first – especially when it’s been broken in the past – so don’t rush things. A slow but steady approach is the best way to gain her trust and love back.

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